My Heartfelt Confession
by callmeR
Summary: One-shot. Ashley and Spencer are teetering into a whole new dimension. Will Ashley finally abandon her one-night stand ways?


So I feel like an ass. This is kind of a day late. But better late than never, right? *puppydog eyes* This is dedicated to a woman who stumbled into my life almost a year ago. She deserves everything and more. And this is my recent lame attempt at wooing.

And to my readers of my ongoing fics, I apologize. I have not forgotten about them. Life has kind of gotten in the way.

I do not own South and I do not own this wonderful song by Jason Mraz. It's an amazing song but in my opinion (which isn't worth much these days) Tyler Ward's cover is even better.

* * *

><p>I awoke from my deep slumber to a cold and empty bed. I slide my palm the length of the sheets. It's become habit. One-night stands on repeat. She never is present when I wake.<p>

I thought today might be different.

I bring my feet over the edge and place them bare on the hardwood floor. I pause in my morning routine, giving myself time to think things over. After a few minutes, I run a shaky hand through my hair, sighing. I finally rise, making my way to the kitchen, in desperate need of java. Nothing appears to be out of ordinary. At first glance, anyways.

A yellow post-it on the coffee maker causes my heartbeat to flutter.

"**I might be bad at it**."

Those words were engraved into my memory.

_It had taken months to convince her to watch A Walk to Remember with me. When the movie had finished, she turned her head to smile at me through shining eyes._

_"Spence?"_

_It had been spoken so softly, I wouldn't have caught it if I had not been facing her. I squeezed her hand in mine, letting her continue._

"_I think Mandy Moore might have had a point."_

_"What do you mean, Ash?"_

_"I might be bad at it."_

_"Kissing? Because if you are referring to your kissing skills, you are no novice."_

_"No."_

_She looks down towards the floor, clearly flustered. I tip her chip upwards, looking straight into her dark eyes, "Babe, you can tell me anything."_

_"Relationships, " Ashley supplies._

_My expression says it all; I've got "huh" written all over my face. Ashley looks embarassed and unwilling to talk, so I just stroke my thumb overtop of our entwined fingers. The credits are rolling and that's when I finally realize what she means. She lacks experience in relationships._

_She looks so small, so timid in the moment that I can't help but gently brush my lips against hers, uttering the words that I would later regret, "It's ok, no labels are necessary."_

We didn't have a label. If we did, it would be fuck-buddies or friends with benefits because we certainly not just friends. My heart aches to replay that moment. I am to blame for my own demise.

Lost in my thoughts, I turn on the coffee maker, watching as the hot liquid drips. Thinking back to that day my life changed forever. The day I spilled Ashley's coffee.

_I was being klutzy Spencer, as usual, and not watching where I was going (a lethal combination) and accidentally bumped into her. Her white shirt was turned a lovely shade of brown. Fashion gurus said that brown was in...I was just trying to help a girl out. Instead of thanking me, she kindly informed me that I needed to purchase some glasses, to invest in some gymnastics classes(to work on my coordination), and to stay the hell away from her. She may have also included some enhancing adjectives. The sane person would have done just that. But I chased after her. She was far from impressed when I approached her, but I like to say my irresistible charm wore her down. It took her stubborn ass months to apologize for her initial rudeness but by that point it didn't matter; I had already fallen for her._

I smile as I think about how much and how little has changed over the years. I'm still that awkward girl and Ashley's still a stubborn ass. I absent-mindedly open the cupboard in search of my favorite mug, the one that Ashley brought me back from a trip to Seattle. A simple black coffee cup with the Space Needle etched on the side told me everything I needed to know. That was the first gift she bought me, the first of many. None of them were very expensive but they each held important value. Every item told me a different, yet similar story. She may have been absent, but her heart had never left.

I almost shattered the mug as I noticed another post-it note, coyly tucked inside my mug.

"**Both a little scared, neither one prepared, Beauty and the Beast."**

There were two sides of Ashley: the side the outside world saw and the side that she only revealed to me. They were complete opposites. Outgoing, confident, out-spoken, crude, attention-seeking, rebellious, sexy, and popular described the fake version. Shy, bashful, quiet, kind, follower, cautious, beautiful, creative. That was the person I had come to know. It took patience and time for her to finally open up to me. But god was it worth it. The raw and scarred soul revealed to me. I just wanted to protect her, to hold her, to love her. She always affectionately referred to me as her Beauty. I was never fond of possessive terms, but with Ashley it was different; I was hers. Branded hers from the very beginning. And it hurt my heart whenever she called herself the Beast because the Ashley I knew was nothing close to that. She viewed herself as a monster, but in actuality she was more like a kicked puppy. She was just a scared little girl who had been used used and abused. Everyone always disappointed her. She had learned to expect the worst. She had lost hope. I had taken it upon myself to show her a new path. To show her love.

It wasn't an easy journey. I made many mistakes along the way, but ultimately Ashley knew she was loved, truly loved. But she was never ready. Our friendship blurred and instead of us figuring it out together, I let her set the rules. She only had one rule. I hated that rule. It forced me to wake up alone night after night. I thought I was doing her a favor. I thought if things were on her terms, we would be alright. I was wrong.

Curiousity began to set in as to what Ashley was playing at. Romance was not her way. This was new. I couldn't figure it out. Did things change for her? I needed to know answers. The answers only she could provide. I made a conscious decision and reached for my cell. To my surprise, I heard the familiar crinkle of paper...yet another post-it.

"**I'll never let go, ****Jack**** Spence. I promise."**

My kitchen was filled with a cross between chuckles and sobs. I didn't know whether to be excited, happy, confused, or sad. She was tugging at my heartstrings, every last one of them. Every emotion, I was feeling it. I peeled the post-it away and dialed the familiar number only to be met with her answering service. Dammit Spencer, pull yourself together. Go to your girl. Go see Ashley. I threw on a college sweatshirt, worn jeans and tried my best to find some courage. I grabbed my wallet, phone and keys. I was a wreck trying to figure out my left from my right and having no such luck in tying my sneakers. A knock on my apartment door stilled my motions. I stumbled to the door, trying to open it with the locks still in place, effectively nailing my head against the old wood.

A bemused, but nervous-looking Ashley was on the other side.

"I guess you never invested in those gymnastics classes, eh?"

I chuckle, shaking my head, astonished that Ashley remembered. I gesture for her to come inside. She smiles; she will never admit it to anyone but acceptance is huge in her books.

"So what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"Spence, " Ashley starts off brokenly, "I...". I immediately rush to her side, enveloping her in a hug. She shakes me off, and I'm a little stunned. That's a first. "No, " she continues, "I need to get this out before it eats me alive, you have to promise me no interruptions, no matter what, ".

I solemnly shake my head in agreeance, clearly this is important to Ashley.

"Spencer, you're my everything. You have changed my life for the better. And I'm sorry I only gave you half of me, ". I start to protest. "Let me finish, please. I thought I wasn't capable of love. I never even understood what it really meant, until you. You awkwardly stumbled into my life with a kindness nobody has ever shown me. You were so bloody naive, so innocent, with that famous Spencer Carlin head-tilt in place. Instead of leading me out of my darkness, you walked beside me. We were Spencer and Ashley and that scared me more than anything. Because if we became an us, we could crumble just like everything else I have known. But I realized, what I was doing with you, what I was doing TO you was worse. I was causing you pain. I vowed to myself I would never do that to you, yet here I was each night, each morning, every time I couldn't quite commit, I was delivering a blow to you. And when you hurt, I hurt. I was burying my feelings, denying the obvious, I was falling for you, Spence. So fucking hard. I didn't know what to do. I did the typical Davies thing and ran. But I'm done running."

My mouth forms a giant O. It's not every day you hear the love of your life saying everything you wanted to hear. I take her trembling hands in mine, offering her reassurance.

"You deserve so much better than that. You deserve it all. I want to be that person to give you it. Spence, I'm so in love with you, it's not even funny. I want to stay tonight, tomorrow, the next day, and so on. We've never exactly done it the traditional way...will you be my valentine?"

I look at her carefully. I inspect her body language and her words. I see it all her love reflecting back at me. I close our gap, pulling her body into mine. I place my mouth close to her ear, "What took you so damn long, Davies?".

I feel her body vibrating with laughter. She shrugs helplessly. Working my way down her jawline, I place butterfly kisses on every inch of her skin. She sighs in contentment. Pulling back, I try to remember everything about this moment, savoring it. And then I slowly lean in, brushing my lips against hers. Just pressing into her to let her know I'm here and not going anywhere. My lips are still, unmoving at first. I gently kiss each corner of her mouth, before tentatively running my tongue against her bottom lip. Ashley responds, dragging her teeth against my lips, nipping lightly, then soothing the area by sucking softly. I can't stifle my moan. She uses that to her advantage and parts my lips. She swirls her tongue in slow circles, dancing with me, gently sucking on the tip of my tongue. Lazy figure-eights, meeting every movement of hers. I press my lips against hers more roughly, breathing ragged. The kiss intensifies then slows, and I find myself with my forehead pressed against hers.

"Wow."

"I'm so in love with you, Ashley. I can't believe you did this all for me, " I say, as I gesture around the room.

"You're worth it. I would do anything for you. And uh, " Ashley scratches her neck, shyly, "there's something else".

She leaves the room and I'm left alone and confused. She returns five minutes later with her trusty Taylor wrapped around her neck. She clears her throat, and her husky voice fills the room.

"When I look into your eyes  
>It's like watching the night sky<br>Or a beautiful sunrise  
>There's so much they hold<p>

And just like them old stars  
>I see that you've come so far<br>To be right where you are  
>How old is your soul?<p>

I won't give up on us  
>Even if the skies get rough<br>I'm giving you all my love  
>I'm still looking up<p>

And when you're needing your space  
>To do some navigating<br>I'll be here patiently waiting  
>To see what you find<p>

'Cause even the stars they burn  
>Some even fall to the earth<br>We got a lot to learn  
>God knows we're worth it<p>

No, I won't give up  
>I won't give up<br>I won't give up  
>No, I won't give up<p>

I won't give up on us  
>Even if the skies get rough<br>I'm giving you all my love  
>I'm still looking up<p>

I won't give up on us  
>God knows I'm tough enough)<br>We got a lot to learn  
>God knows we're worth it"<p>

Ashley finishes the song, and I'm speechless. After lifting her guitar over her head, she approaches me cautiously. She intertwines our fingers and places my palm over her racing heart. "This is what you do to me, babe. I won't give up on us, Spence. I'm finally ready."

"You...that song...everything...was beautiful. Welcome home, Ash."

And I open my arms, and more importantly, my heart, to Ashley.


End file.
